


The safest option

by Mierke



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 21:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5065144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mierke/pseuds/Mierke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Willow curses Angel at the end of season 2, there's an unexpected side effect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The safest option

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dogsled](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dogsled/gifts).



Willow woke slowly, the scent of hospitals and cleanliness in her nose. After the way her first attempt to cure Angel had ended, she'd expected to feel like hell, but her body felt surprisingly okay. There were no aches or pains anywhere, just a gnawing hunger that demanded to be stilled. 

There was something nearby that smelled really good, and she opened her eyes. It was still dark; the night like a blanket over the hospital, dulling all the noises and crowds that during the day echoed in its walls. She caught the whispering of a few nurses walking down the hallway, and faked being asleep when they peered into her room. She wasn't sure she was supposed to be awake; letting them pass by seemed like the safest option. 

She got out of bed, making sure to not pull out any of the stuff that was presumably keeping her alive and making her feel this good. It was easy to stand; again, she had expected to struggle, but her muscles answered every request she made of them. 

She followed the scent, the hunger pains growing worse with every step she took. Making sure that nobody caught her sneaking around, she slowly made her way through the hospital. The elevator took her a couple of floors down, and still the scent was strengthening. Was it weird she'd been able to smell it from so far away? Her subconscious probably knew where the kitchen was, and had provided her with some fake scent to lead her there. 

She opened a door, and pulled her IV in, closing the door behind her. The room was dark, but it didn’t take her eyes long to get used to it. She decided to leave it as is; if no light was spilled underneath the door, no one would notice anyone was in here. 

As she took a deep breath, taking in the delicious scent hanging in the air, she noticed which room she'd stumbled into. She flattened herself against the wall, trying to still the panic as she took in the rows of bags of blood that were making her stomach clench in hunger. 

She must be going crazy. Or having a nightmare. She couldn't...

This couldn't...

With a trembling hand, she put her right index and middle finger on her left wrist, trying to find a pulse. She didn't find one. How did she wake up in the hospital without a pulse? Only in Sunnydale, she imagined. Did the doctors or nurses just note it on the file, like everything else? "Seemingly no pulse, but patient is still breathing and is expected to make a full recovery"? 

Still breathing. 

Why was she still breathing? Experimentally, she forced herself to stop, bracing herself for the pressure and pain that came with holding your breath for too long. Five minutes later, she still felt perfectly fine. 

Well, as fine as you could be if you had just woken up as a murderous vampire with a taste for blood. Except, she didn't feel all that murderous. After all the talk about how a vampire kills you and takes over your body, leaving no trace of who you were before, she felt weirdly the same as she had before curing Angel. She felt no particular need for violence or mayhem, just this hunger that probably could only be stilled by, well, by drinking blood. 

If she wanted to get to the bottom of this, she needed her full brain capacity. And she had always learned that you couldn't function optimally if you were hungry. She slowly took a couple of steps forward and grabbed a bag of blood. Did the different types of blood taste different? She was tempted to do a tasting, but this was probably not the right time or place for that. Maybe she could find a nice demon bar someday, order a bit of everything. 

Drinking blood was a weird experience. While her mind was disgusted by the mere idea, it tasted _really_ good and her body was rejoicing in finally getting what it needed. She took in two whole bags, then slid down against one of the walls in the room. 

One didn't just wake up a vampire. You had to be turned. But why would someone go to the trouble of going to the hospital, turning one mere mortal, and then leaving again? And why did the idea of killing humans and drinking their blood hold absolutely no appeal to her? 

She felt the same as she had before curing Angel...

Something must have happened during the curse. Maybe Angel, as newfound ensouled vampire, had sought a way to punish anyone who would ever make him go through that again. For him, especially then, being a vampire with a soul had probably been the worst thing he could think of. She could kind of understand why he maybe would have done that.

Willow drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on top of them. Could vampires cry, she wondered, just before becoming proof that yes, vampires were still able to produce tears. Crying without breathing was weird, though by now Willow wondered whether anything would ever be normal again. How could she live her life as a vampire? She wouldn't be able to go to school, or college, or...

Would she even be allowed to live? Buffy and Xander and Giles, would they believe her when she told them she wasn't evil? Giles had worked so hard to convince Xander that Jesse as a vampire had had nothing to do with Jesse as a person and Xander eventually had killed him. Would they do the same to her? Would they take one look at her and see her bumpy face and assume she needed to die?

She couldn't let them do that. She couldn't put them through the horror that came with having to kill someone you'd once loved. She had seen it on Xander's face for weeks after he had staked Jesse; it had haunted him, made him question everything he knew about life and about himself. Buffy had just spent weeks preparing herself for killing Angel - she couldn't let her go through killing someone else she loved!

The sun was coming up. A few rays were already falling through the windows in the inventory, not yet touching her body but so close. 

The only way to protect her friends? 

She couldn't be sure this morality was permanent. Maybe every new vampire went through a phase in which they didn't necessarily want to kill people. Maybe it was like breathing, a reflex that came with having been human for so long. It could be her soul, but maybe it was just... habit. Could she really take that risk?

The sunrays were getting closer, and Willow closed her eyes, taking a deep breath she didn't need in order to brace herself for what was coming.

She imagined it would hurt, burning up.


End file.
